Each Relationship Needs Its Sacred Space
Relationships are so complicated; sometimes we are just playing them out in our minds and hearts, without realising they have no reality beyond that. Two people could be relating to each other on different wavelengths without understanding that the notes they strike are at variance with each other.
'I Love You' Is Always More Important Than 'YOU LOVE ME'
My emotions cloud my reality more than another's anytime. You would imagine that sometimes it's better not to put relationships through a reality check; they may receive a rude shock that could probably shatter, and certainly crack them. A few hard home truths could bring your illusory castle tumbling down.
If relationships are so self-oriented, any meaningful relationship entered into has to play itself out withing a mutual space, where two people voluntarily allow the entrance of another and choose to open up to that person. Every relationship involves a great degree of trust, as well as vulnerability and intimacy. The healtheist relationships are those where, as trust builds over time, we are no longer scared of exposing and entrusting our vulnerbilities into the care of our singficant other. This then becomes the basis of a steady, lasting tie.
What then emerges strongly is our voluntary acceptance of a sense of duty and sincerity towards another, our determination to consider someone our own and so, go out on a limb for them because we consider him or her ''mine''. My friend, my family, my child, my spouse, my lover, my idol, my follower.... And when you do that, you strike up a relationship that is based on trust and exclusivity.
The exclusivity factor cannot be ingnored. You cannot be, nor do you wish to be one of many to someone you are in a relationship with. A relationship is a sacred trust between two people. People enter a relationship when they allow their hearts and souls to open up and touch each other. We all need to feel meaningfully connected to someone, to create an exclusive zone where we are singnificant to the other person in the relationship.
This vulnerability, the need for exclusivity, is what creates issues of distrust in a world were we all reach out to several people, each of whom we may share a special bond with. As such, it becomes incumbent on us to protect the vulnerabilities and exclusiveness of the relationships that mean most to us. Your intimate space with your sister could be threatened by the space you share with a friend and vice versa. Children have been known to feel insecure of a strong parental relationship where they see no space for themselves. Fathers are envious of sons who are close to mothers in an intimate space of their own.
You cannot just close your eyes and demand trust.
How can trust be built up in relationships? Trust is the shakiest and the first of our vulnerabilities to fall. It can only be built with care, patience and time, and requires investment from both parties.
What hepls build trust is creating and respecting a separate sacred space for each our relationships. A space that cannot be allowed to merge with the space accorded to another. Not even the relationship between three siblings is the same.
You will always relate with one differently than you would with the other, and the dynamics changes when all three are together. Even a mother shares an exclusive relationship with each of her children.
A message that is sent to you exclusively by a friend holds much more meaning than a copy/paste job sent to several. A friend who greets with a wide grin and shared confidences send a thrill of pleasure, till you note he shares the same with all.
You cannot possibly strike the same notes with everyone you meet. To be one of many in what you consider an exclusive space diminishes that relationship for you.
Love is abov trusting another enough to allow the barriers of your heart and soul to fall. It is also about giving your significant other the trust that you will protect the vulnerbilities they thus expose to you.
This is best done in an environment of trust where we make the effort to build confidence and maintain an exclusive, sacred space for our loved ones.
